I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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