Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
