I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
