I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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