NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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