I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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