I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
