tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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