I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
