When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
