I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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