Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
