The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize