I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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