fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
