she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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