The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
