Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i used baking grease as lip gloss
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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