explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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