you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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