i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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