i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
