we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
