oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
