Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
