The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i think my cat just said my name.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
