i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
