I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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