I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
