I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
