i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
