i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize