I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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