last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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