So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
