why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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