so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize