Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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