Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
