I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
