I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
