I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
