you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize