I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I currently don't understand fingers.
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