I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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