hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
