I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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