got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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