When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
