He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize