...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
