He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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