Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
