I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
