Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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