Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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