He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
