There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
