It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
