So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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