she was so not down for the gang bang
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
