I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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