I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
