Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
