I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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