I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
