I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize