Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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