Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
