the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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